Grief

 So on the 26th of January this year I lost my sister to leukemia. It's a trauma I struggle to deal with, it's hard to believe that she is actually gone, it feels so unbelievably cruel and unfair but I suppose such is life...

My late big sister shaped me into being the person I am today and the positive contributions she made to my life are impossible to quantify or even just put into words. I absolutely loved my big sister, perhaps much more than I thought. I keep my late sister's copy of The Lord of The Rings on my bed side to remind myself of her, she was really into fantasy amongst many other things. I seem to have misplaced the copy of Lord of the Rings and I am having a little existential crisis, that book just reminded me of her and now I am not sure where I put it. 

I feel sad today, I'm missing my sister and misplacing this book is only just exercabating things. Grief is such a messy complicated thing and it's definitely a nonlinear process, in the world of grief 10 years could pass since a loved one passed away but you may experience grief like your loved one died just a day before, there is no manual to this thing. 

For me, re-reading the books or listening to music or watching movies my sister loved helps me deal with my grief so I feel sad about misplacing this copy of LOTR just looking at the book made my heart smile. I hope I find this book

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